兒子上星期跟我提想去加入健身房會員, 還要上教練課, 這星期一他立馬獨自一人去健身房詢問細節, 然後回來跟我約時間要去健身房報名,剛好我星期三休假, 就跟他一起去了,在去之前, 我急急忙忙地很快粗算了一下我的預算, 之前幾個月因為同事離職, 我工作太累已經好幾個月沒在記帳了, 也不確定現在手頭上有多少可用資金, 粗算後, 幸好還夠, 我就能很安心地和兒子一起去健身房辦理手續

到了現場業務先講了一些, 後來教練也跟我們講細節,他聽到兒子說任何時間都有空, 他問說不是還要上課嗎? 我很快的接話自然地講”我讓他休息一年, 他現在很有空”教練就沒再問了 其實我早就想到總有一個場合會被問道為何兒子這個時段沒在上學, 或是被問休學的原因, 我會擔心兒子被問這個問題會感到有壓力,所以我先自己練習看怎麼回答, 也一直說服自己, 休學不過就是一種過程, 沒有關係, 可能因為有這些練習, 所以當場我能很自動的承接下回答這個問題的責任, 也免去了兒子或許會有的尷尬 也想讓他感受到, 我拋出休學的這個選項, 不是只是說說, 而是會打自內心裡會去支持他, 以實際的行動證明給他看 天塌下來, 我會陪他一起, 他可以放心去嘗試他想嘗試的事物

或許是因為我看起來就是沒在運動的人, 他們都會問我說為何來報名, 我都回答因為兒子想要來, 我就陪著她一起來,想跟他一起做件事 對於我這個舉動, 我感覺是挺自豪挺開心的, 雖然我跟他運動的時段大部分都不會在同一個時段, 但我卻感到我好像就陪在他身邊, 默默陪著他一起成長, 他有他的課題, 我也有我自己的課題要做, 所以我自己仍然繼續心理諮商課,有著一種感覺, 我人雖然都有往前走, 但我的心好像停留在過去某段回憶漩渦裡.或許得找回失落的那顆心, 我才能真正好好的去享受體驗我的人生
Last week, my son mentioned wanting to join a gym membership and take instructor classes. This Monday, he immediately went to the gym alone to inquire about the details. He then came back and we scheduled a time to register. Luckily, I had Wednesday off, so I went with him. Before going, I quickly did a rough budget calculation. Because of a colleague leaving, I’d been too busy with work for several months and hadn’t kept track of my expenses, so I wasn’t sure how much money I had available. Thankfully, the rough calculation showed I had enough, which reassured me enough to go with my son to complete the registration.

At the gym, the sales staff explained some things, and then the instructor went over the details. When he heard my son say he was free anytime, he asked if he still had classes. I quickly and naturally replied, “I’m letting him take a year off; he’s very free now.” The instructor didn’t ask any more questions. Actually, I had anticipated that there would be an occasion where he would be asked why my son wasn’t in school at this time, or what the reason for his leave of absence was. I worried that my son would feel pressured by this question, so I practiced my answers beforehand, and kept reassuring myself that taking a leave of absence is just a process. It’s okay. Perhaps because of these practices, I was able to automatically take on the responsibility of answering the question on the spot, saving my son from any embarrassment. I also wanted him to feel that when I offered the option of taking a break from school, it wasn’t just talk, but a genuine commitment to supporting him and proving it to him with concrete actions. Even if the sky falls, I’ll be there for him; he can confidently try what he wants.

Perhaps because I don’t seem like someone who exercises regularly, people always ask me why I signed up. I always answer that it’s because my son wanted to come, so I came along and wanted to do something with him. I feel quite proud and happy about this. Although we don’t usually exercise at the same time, I feel like I’m right beside him, silently accompanying him as he grows. He has his challenges, and I have mine to face. So I’m still continuing my counseling classes. I have a feeling that although I’m moving forward, my heart seems to be stuck in a whirlpool of past memories. Perhaps I need to find that lost part of my heart before I can truly enjoy and experience my life.